2007 Silver Wheels Cycling Club 440-322-7300

You Might Be A Bike Weenie If...

You hear someone had a crash and your first question is "How's the bike?"

You have stopped even trying to explain to your husband why you need two bikes...you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.

You buy your crutches instead of renting.

You convert your car's brake & gas pedals to clipless.

You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.

You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your gunboat sneakers.

You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wall space is taken up by the bike.

You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.

Biker chick means black spandex, not leather, and a Marinoni, not a Harley.

"Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries" is for you.

You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young woman ride by, and the first thing you check out is her bicycle.

You empathize with the roadkill.

Despite all that winter weight you put on, you'll skim weight by buying titanium components

You use wax on your chain, but not on your car.

Your mud guards are made out of milk jugs.

Your current bike is older than your college children.

Your bike bag consists of an outdated Power Bar, one tire lever, a questionable patch kit, a run-over spoke wrench, an all-in-one, a rusty allen wrench, change with god knows what stuck on it, a couple of tubes without a clue which one has a hole, and that peanut butter sandwich you swore you brought on the ride two weeks ago, all tucked into a bag the size of your fist.

Your first course when you eat out is a large banana split.

You yell "On Your Left!" when passing another car.

You yell "Hole!" when you see a pothole while driving your car.

Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car's odometer.

You wear your riding gloves when driving your car.

You wear your bike shorts swimming.

You wear Charles River Wheelmen T-shirts all the time, including under dress shirts.

Your bikes are worth more than your car.

You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike (s) to fit .

When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.

You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.

You take your bike along when you shop for a car - just to make sure the bike will fit inside.

You use the Yakima or Thule Fit catalog to pick your next new car instead of Consumer Reports.

You start yelling at cars to "hold your line."

You're comfortable bumping elbows with step vans.

You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.

You clean your bike (s) more often then your car.

You install bike mounts in the back of your van or pickup truck.

You're on the Board of Directors for a Bike Club.

You spend weeks during the summer spraying arrows on the sides of roads.

You and your significant other have and wear identical riding clothes.

You mount a $600 cap, on a $1,000 pickup truck, so your $3,000 bike doesn't get wet.

You put your bike in your car and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 4 (or better).

You can't seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don't have any problems at all meeting your buddies at 5:30 AM for a hammerfest.

You can tell your wife, with a straight face that it's too hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

You regard inter-gender discussion of your genital pain/size/shape/utility as normal.

Your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than your car, and you do it.

You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.

When driving your car you lean over the steering wheel, just like an aerobar.

Your kids bring a rear derailleur to "Show & Tell".

Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.

You tailgate a semi-trailer to get the drafting effect.

You know your Bike Nashbar customer number by heart.

You have a four digit Bike Nashbar customer number.

There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to be doing, and go bicycling instead...

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?" The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A group of racers is out for a Saturday morning training ride and come up on a man riding a tandem alone. They slow up a little and one of the racers ask, "Isn't that hard work pedaling that tandem all alone?"

The older man replies, "Yes it is, but my late wife and I have ridden our tandem every Saturday morning for the last 14 years and this is how I keep her memory alive."

Another rider comments, "Well that's very noble, but certainly your wife would have wanted you to share your mutual love of cycling with someone else after her death."

The widower answers, "You're right, we did discuss this before her death and she said that if she died I should continue to ride and take along one of our friends from our bike club."

"So you couldn't find any of your friends to ride with you this morning?"

With little quiver in his voice the widower says, "No, they are all at the funeral this morning."

What Cyclists Say and What They Mean

This trail is a blast.
(I hope you have good medical insurance)

I think I might have a flat tire.
(Slow down, will ya?)

I definitely have a flat tire.
(Help me change it)

I don't have a low enough gear.
(I've gained 5 pounds)

I've decided to buy a lighter bike.
(I've gained 10 pounds)

I'm taking up clog dancing.
(I've gained 25 pounds)

I'm carbo loading.
(Pass the ice cream)

I'm tapering.
(I haven't ridden in 2 months)

The rebound was off, so I modified the oil levels. But then the compression damping was too harsh, so opened up the compression adjuster and increased the bottom-out resistance.
(I have a new suspension fork and you don't!)

If you're a good bike handler, you don't need to wear a helmet.
(I'm so stupid a brain injury wouldn't affect me)

Nobody needs a dual-suspension mountain bike.
(I can't afford a dual-suspension mountain bike)

Dual suspension is the only way to go.
(I just dropped 3 months' salary on a dual-suspension mountain bike)

She's a hammer.
(She's faster than me)

He's a geek.
(I'm faster than him)

I bonked.
(All I took for a 4-hour ride was a half-empty bottle of month-old OJ and a moldy Twinkie)

If you don't crash, you're not going fast enough, dude!
(I crash a lot)

I don't own a car.
(I'm a better person than you)

Why doesn't somebody do something about all these potholes ?
(Why doesn't somebody else do something about all these potholes?)

I do all my own bike maintenance.
(When I squeeze the front brake lever, the bike shifts gears)

Thanks for waiting.
(Wipe that smug grin off your ugly face)

Hey, did you guys hear about those new 1.8 gram carbon-fiber quick-release skewers with titanium springs?
(I am a very lonely person)

This section of trail looks doable.
(You first, sucker)

I want to ride my bike to work, but...
(I don't want to ride my bike to work)

He's such a wheelsucker.
(I can't drop him)

She's always half-wheeling me.
(I can't keep up with her)

The town-line sprint is 100 yards beyond the next bend.
(The town-line sprint is 200 yards beyond the next bend)

Been riding much?
(How fit are you?)

Not much. You?
(My anaerobic threshold is 250 and my resting pulse is 14)

Nah, I've been really busy.
(My body fat is 2%)

Well, let's take it easy today.
(Ready, set go!)

Hold on, there's something wrong with my bike.
(Let's stop so I can rest)

My tires suck!
(This climb is killing me!)

Can you clear that drop-off?
(I can, but I bet you can't)

It's getting dark.
(I wanna go home)

This bike is a piece of ****!
(I can't ride worth ****)

I think I broke my arm.
(There's a little bruise on my arm and I don't want to ride anymore)

I'd jump that but I don't want to tweak my new rims.
(I'm too chicken to try)

This hill is easy.
(This trail's pretty tough but I'm gonna try and lose you on it)

That trail is boring.
(I know I can't make it)

Last one down is buying.
(I'll make you feel like a loser and get a free beer too!)

My bike was acting funny.
(Otherwise I would have whooped your butt!)

He's pretty good.
(I know I'm better than him)

He sucks!
(He's better than me)

That thing's a piece of ****.
(I wish I had one...)

Back to Top

Cycling Humor

God & The Bicyclist

 

A biker was pedaling on a highway along a California beach when Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord

Said: "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will Grant you one wish."

 

The biker pulled over and said: "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can Ride over anytime I want."

 

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous Challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required would Reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would Take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but It is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.  Take a little

 

More time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

 

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels Inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, Why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I Can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"  ~Submitted by Ed Stewart

E-mail us your jokes

The perfect bike for long trips!

More Humor

Click here to contact the webmaster